motivation, relinquishing, vulnerability

I find myself in a place, right now, where I have never quite been before.  I am moving, again.  You see that ‘again’ and I imagine you, the reader, to think that if there is an ‘again’ as a qualifier, then perhaps this changes my initial posit of ‘I’ve never quite been here before’.  And you’d be right, in some ways. Yet you’d also be altogether wrong.  So yes, I am moving again. End of June (nearly four weeks after my better half has already packed up our belongings and moved
everything we own) I will be making the change from Georgia to Texas.  I’m excited, I suppose.

I’m excited except, this will be my 10th residence and 5th city in just 6 years.

Since I graduated from college just over a half-decade ago, I have found myself moving.  Moving from east-coast elite educationdom to hippie/yuppie, organic, self-agrandizing (often for good reasons) Boulder, Co; and then onto the doom, insanity, and expense that is sometimes the Lower East Side; to the haven of Park Slope, Brooklyn; to rougher pastures on the opposite side of Prospect Park a tiny neighborhood known as Prospect Lefferts Gardens; back to Boulder; onto Denver; and finally to Macon, Ga.  I’ve lived in 10 homes (soon to be 11) in 6 years.

In the past, I’ve always loved moving.  It always felt like it was time.  So while this seems routine, something has diametrically shifted.  This time, I’m not quite ready to go.  When we moved here just shy of two years ago, I never thought I’d fall in love with a city so different from my home of Boulder.  I was scared to move to the bible belt, terrified I’d never meet anyone I would connect with, and truly thought my temporary stint in Macon would come to an end without an evidence of caring.

Oh how wrong I was.

Two years later I have the best friends I have ever had.  I have a vibrant community I am a part of.  I reached my dream of being a faculty member at not one but three colleges, adjunct sure, but still my dream job.  I have changed students lives and I have the letters that prove it.  I built TEDxMacon, and we’re working on doing a 2nd event in June before my departure.

For once in my life I am settled, content, feel as if the chair is just right.  And now I am leaving.  It is a moment where I have to think of Shiva, the destroyer.  For when something is destroyed, something more beautiful grows in its place.

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